Hey hey! It’s been a while!
This will be a different kind of post. I didn’t read it back nor edited it or planned what to write. I’m going with the flow and using it as a sort of diary. A place and way to let my thoughts out of my mind and try to keep this blog somewhat alive.
I know I’ve been saying it a lot lately but this time the “while” was pretty substantial. There isn’t one specific reason as to why this happened. The first thing that comes to mind is my inner procrastination and the fact that I didn’t see much results, ie audience, with this blog therefore I felt like giving up on it.
I know this is totally on me because I can’t expect it to keep growing if I don’t nurture nor share it.
I’d be lying if I said that from now on I’ll get back to publishing something consistently but I’m happy and proud that I’m at least writing this.
Last time I published something on here I was living in New York in an apartment on the Upper West Side which thinking about still blows my mind.
Now, however, I’m on a train travelling from the Blue Mountain to Sydney to meet up with a dear friend of mine. The more I travel or spend time here in Australia, the more I realise that here is where I have the most friends. They are not many and I can count them with my hands but they are very dear to me and feel like family.
I’m always amazed by people who can make new friends so easily or can always find compatible people to them. I think that oftentimes I try way too hard and too quickly to do so because of my constant travelling/living solo which can strengthen loneliness.
I don’t mind solitude and, at times, I need it but lately it’s been harder than usual to live with it.
Life is truly strange and unpredictable. When I first started writing this post I was in Australia on my way to Sydney. I was feeling happy and grateful for being there.
Now, I’m back home in Italy. I got here last week on what has probably been one of the most intense trips of my life. It definitely was not planned at all nor was the reason behind it.
I ended up flying back because my dad sort of suddenly passed away. We were all hoping for some good news but they didn’t come so I flew back.
We said goodbye to each other in the sky as he died at the same time I was boarding my flight from Singapore to Milan.
To be completely honest, I’m grateful I was in Australia while his health declined because it allowed me to process the whole situation with more clarity and less tension. It also helped me accept it and realise that it’s probably better it went this way.
My dad’s health challenged him for many year but this past one has been the toughest for both him and us. He was fully aware of what he was going through and got to a point where he didn’t want to continue living like this. That’s why I said it’s better this way because he is at peace and not suffering anymore.
Me personally, this situation along with the trip back home took me by storm. I was feeling so happy to be back in Australia and to be celebrating Xmas and NY with my friends. I still think about going back for NY, I’d love to but can’t afford it. I spent all my money on the flight back to Italy.
My Australian friends really want me back there but the cost is too much for all of us. I miss Australia. It’s my home away from home.
I know I’ll be going back sometime next year. Not sure when but I will.
For now, I’m trying to not let this situation take over me (which is hard to do) and trying to be kind to myself (another hard thing to do).