This post is more of a letter to me and for everyone who might need it. It’s not scripted nor edited because I wanted it to be fully raw, honest and original. I hope it can be beneficial to you and thank you for reading it.
For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling lost. I don’t know where to take my life or what the main goal to work towards is.
My mind is constantly compressing myself but it feels easier to just smile and say “I’m alright” rather than face it. I keep trying to remind myself that I’m capable of doing anything I want to. That decisions out of my comfort zone don’t scare me and that I’ll get to where I want to.
The reality, though, is that I probably don’t fully believe in these sentences. I don’t know what goal I want to reach and everything seems too big for me.
I’ve been going through this kind of cycle before. It comes and goes. There are times where I feel super strong and proud of what I’m doing and others, like now, where uncertainty reigns over me.
I find it easier to feed uncertainty rather than clarity. Probably because the first one doesn’t require a lot of energy or focus from you. Or maybe it does but it’s just good at masking it.
It sucks your energy and positivity while it gives you a fake sense of comfort and relaxation. And these feelings then start a fight with my true self.
I can feel this fight inside me.
There’s a side of me who wants to get out and work on achieving my goals and dreams. A side that does require my energy, focus, love and trust to get to his destination.
However, this side also scares me. I don’t know how to listen to it. And I feel like I can’t provide what it needs from me.
Moreover, all this confusion increases the worries I have about the life I’m currently living. Thoughts of regret become more and more powerful in my mind which lead me to be harsh and judgmental of myself.
I keep comparing my life to other people’s lives, especially people I know nothing about. This was something I want to work on and I was making signs of progress. But it easily comes back when I feel this vulnerable or down.
Anyone I see online seems to be so capable, strong, on track with their life and happiness. I know that most of them only highlight these sides of their life but that is what feeds my social comparison.
Something I’m sure of, though, is that I don’t want to give up. It’s not fair on me and it doesn’t give me anything positive. Even though everything feels so hard, impossible, and challenging, I keep reminding myself that I’m strong and capable. That I will always be by my side and that I believe in myself and my capabilities.
I also believe in you, your dreams, your goals, your strengths and all the decisions you have made and make every day. I know you can do it and that you can achieve everything that your heart desires the most.
At times, life can be hard and unpredictable and you might feel incapable to deal with it. I totally understand. However, remember that this feeling won’t last long and that you can choose not to feed it anymore.
You can change how you see and think about it.
You can work on it.
You can become the master of your life and thoughts.
You are capable and I believe in you.