Hello there you wonderful human beings. It’s been a bit since my last post on here but quite a few changes kept my mind super busy. As you can understand from the title, I left Australia and flew back to Italy. In this post, I want to share the reasons behind this decision.
I’m still trying to realise this along with still feeling pretty lost, sad and confused. Whenever I think about Italy and going back to Italy, a wide range of mixed emotions run through my soul.
Since leaving Italy over 5 years ago, I managed to create my independence and to discover many things about myself. Moreover, travelling and being away from Italy helped me to break many shields that I carried around with me for too long.
However, whether you know it or not, Australia has a huge spot in my heart. This is where many memorable changes and discoveries took place. This country gifted me a sort of rebirth which I’m truly grateful for. I loved it so much that I wanted to become a citizen of it almost immediately!
Then, new changes happened and I needed to take a break from this country to see what else was out there. This decision didn’t come easy though. My eyes shed many tears and I was doubting and overthinking this decision even after having made it.
Despite this, I went ahead with it and ended up living amazing memories like celebrating my birthday in Thailand, living and exploring New Zealand like a local and many more adventures and discoveries.
I perfectly recall the first two to three weeks after leaving Australia for an undefined amount of time. Everything I would see reminded me of it and I would look at flights way too many times. But I went ahead with the adventure because I knew it was going to be worth it.
Luckily, I had the privilege of stopping by the country down under every year since leaving it in 2018 and this was amazing. Even though it was very painful to leave, I knew that Australia was there waiting for me.
This time leaving felt totally different.
What made leaving Australia this time even harder
Due to the current pandemic, Australia has been closed to non-citizens or permanent residents since March 2020. So, if anyone was planning on visiting it after that date, they had to cancel.
I was in Bali and decided to fly back there just in time before the rule got put in place. It was totally unplanned but it was the safest option.
“It would only last a couple of months,” I thought. Fast forward one and a half years later, I was still there and the world had changed and was still changing dramatically.
Just like for everyone, this uncertain time was extremely tough to live but it also allowed me to take many steps out of my comfort zone.
- This current blog that you are visiting was born during this time.
- My business creating websites was born during this time.
- Many decisions and actions that I still consider way out of my comfort zone were taken during this time. One of this decision was coming back to Italy.
So, why did I leave Australia to come back to Italy?
Good question and thanks for asking. There wasn’t just one reason for this but a series of situations, feelings and events.
First of all, the last time I visited my friends and family was at the beginning of 2019, so 2.5 years ago now. All this time away started to feel very heavy on me and the desire of seeing everyone was becoming more and more present.
Family-wise, my dad is also getting older and new health problems started to arise which made the time with him more valuable. My siblings would tell me of his conditions, but seeing them was very different from hearing about them.
My nephew was also growing a lot and he now looks soooo different since the last time I saw him.
In addition to this, my Australian visa was only valid until October and I didn’t want to renew it again for the third time.
In Italy, it is currently summer, which I love, and the thought of being on the beach and just relaxing really appealed to me.
Finally, another big reason why I left Australia was the COVID vaccine and Sydney lockdown. The vaccine rollout in Australia was and still is, going very slow due to not enough doses and people not wanting to get the AstraZeneca one. A new rise in cases pushed Sydney into a lockdown that, as of now, will go for around 2 months. Because of this, the desire of being able to get vaccinated grew exponentially and Italy was doing very well in this context.
I’m still surprised at how eager I was to get the vaccine, especially because I’m not a big fan of needles! However, by getting vaccinated I not only gain more freedom and peace of mind, but this will add a layer of protection to myself, my loved ones and anyone whom I come in contact with.
After countless overthinking thoughts, stress and fear, I ended up booking a ticket. This action felt so surreal and it took me some time to actually realise that it was indeed happening.
Two days. I only had two days left in Australia before leaving it for who knows how long. There was a voice inside myself that was trying to make me question this decision and maybe cancel the ticket. It was also a strong one. But it wasn’t the only voice.
There was a quieter one that kept telling me it was the right thing to do. That this big change was the beginning of a new life chapter filled with great memories, strong emotions, important lessons and deep growth. A chapter that wasn’t probably going to be easy or smooth but one that was worth fighting for and living. Where the fears, stress, anxiety and bad memories linked to this country would be realised if I worked for it. A testing ground for my new self. The new Dani took many decisions out of his comfort zone and was working on becoming a better version of himself.
24th of July 2021: the day of leaving Australia
When the famous 24th of July came, going to the airport definitely felt very bittersweet. I was feeling a lot of sadness mixed with profound love and gratitude. I cried multiple times and I was contemplating the idea of catching the train back to the city instead. This wasn’t even the first time that I was feeling like this but it’s never easy.
After I went through customs, everything became more and more real. I was officially out of the country with no possibility of getting back in. This chapter that lasted almost 1.5 years ended to give space to a new one.
I’ve only been in Italy for roughly 10 days but many things still feel weird and out of place. Trying to get back into this reality while also keeping my independence and new self seems challenging and intense. Lots of past thoughts, worries and feelings about me being here tend to come back often but I’m working on understanding them and letting them go. Along with other people’s thoughts and unrequested opinions about my life.
It also seems very challenging to get back on track with the routines and structure I had in Australia, but it’s slowly coming back.
What leaving Australia for Italy is teaching me
It’s not all negative though. This experience is showing me how far I’ve actually come. I’m also feeling more confident in the changes I’ve made. It is a testing ground because I’m conscious that I’m still growing and seeing more changes every day.
Also, I managed to get my first dose of the vaccine and spending lots of quality time with friends, family, animals and the really wonderful land.
I’m not going to lie by saying that I don’t miss Australia. I really do and I’m so looking forward to going back there one day. However, I started this new chapter for many reasons and I want to explore, understand and learn from them. I also want to explore more of the wonderful world we live in and get to a point where I know that there’s more to it and myself than just Australia.
I want to be able to have a healthy and empowering relationship with both her and Italy. Both countries have a huge section of my heart but I want to try and blend them peacefully.
Life is a journey.
At times it’s flawless, beautiful, magical and the best of the best.
Other times it’s challenging, hard, tiring and impossible.
In between, it’s both empowering and crazy, soul calming and intense, bright and dark.
Despite everything that it gives us, life is always worth living for. It’s a constant teacher ready to provide us with eye-opening lessons.
Life is ours to live. No one else can live what we live. It’s the most personalised gift we can ever receive and it’s 1 out of 1 exemplar.
Embrace it, love it, cherish it, appreciate it, polish it and be proud of any scratch, mark, deformity or weird twist it might have. It was made just for you.
Allow change to enter your life if you want it.
This will leave a new mark on your life which will make it even more yours.
I’m doing the best I can with the feeling and knowledge I currently have and, no matter how it goes, it’ll stay with me forever. It will be a reminder for my future self and a lesson that I can always refer to.